IELTSライティング精密添削で実際にお届けしている診断レポートの見本です。推定Band、段落ごとの語数、最優先の課題、原文と書き換え、次の答案で取り組む行動まで、1答案につきこの分量でお返しします。
Mr. Writing & Mrs. Speaking
IELTS Writing Task 2
精密添削レポートサンプル
実際の診断レポートをもとに、氏名を削除し、答案の文面を改変して作成したサンプルです。実在の人物・機関に関する記述は一般的な表現に置き換えています。評価の観点・構成・分量は実際のレポートと同じです。
設問
Some people believe that AI tools should be widely used in schools and universities. Others argue that relying too much on these tools may weaken students’ ability to think independently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
1総合評価
| 評価項目 | 推定Band | 診断 |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | 両立場と意見は明確。賛成段落では、例と主張の関係をさらに説明したい。 |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | 4段落の骨格は明確。冗長な導入と長い第3段落が展開を弱めている。 |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | 語彙は比較的豊富。語の組み合わせや適切さに不正確さがある。 |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5.5 | 複文の使用は多いが、動詞の欠落・比較・関係節などに誤りが残る。 |
※推定Bandは学習上の目安であり、IELTS公式スコアを保証するものではありません。
2語数と構成
| 段落 | 語数 | 主な改善点 |
|---|---|---|
| 序論 | 94 | 設問の言い換えと立場表明を40〜50語程度に簡潔化。 |
| 反対意見 | 160 | 誤情報を鵜呑みにするリスクに集中し、重複を削る。 |
| 賛成意見 | 222 | 話題を絞り、学習効果とのつながりを簡潔に説明する。 |
| 結論 | 29 | 立場と利用上の条件を簡潔にまとめる。 |
| 本文合計 | 505 |
3今回の最大の課題
「長く書く」ことより、「一つの主張を明確な理由と具体例で支える」ことが必要です。特に賛成段落（222語）は、情報収集・翻訳・発表資料・企業の採用へと話題が移り、大学生の学びがどう改善するかが十分に説明されていません。長い関係節や不自然な表現によって読みづらくなっている点、AIの学習効果との関係の説明が弱い点が課題です。
4講師コメント
両方の立場と明確な意見があり、語彙も一定の幅があります。一方、長い定型句や複雑な構文によって、自然さと文法の精度が下がっています。特に should の後の動詞の欠落が序論と結論で繰り返されている点は見直しましょう。同じ意見を300語前後で、「正確さ」と「的確さ」を意識して書く練習が効果的です。
5段落別の添削（原文と書き換え）
序論
原文（94語）
It is claimed that artificial intelligence tools should be widely used in educational foundations because of its positive effect for learning, while it is also said that depending too heavily on these tools may weaken students' critical thinking skills. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss this argument and reach a reasonable conclusion; while it is true that governments, local communities and people should consider how to use AI wisely in order not to weaken thinking skills, I strongly agree that many students should artificial intelligence tools in schools and universities for their study.
書き換え（51語）
Some people argue that artificial intelligence should be used widely in schools and universities because it can improve learning, while others fear that students may become too dependent on it. I believe AI can benefit education, provided that students use it critically rather than allowing it to replace their own thinking.
削った部分と理由
- In the following paragraphs, I will discuss this argument and reach a reasonable conclusion
中身のない決まり文句で、語数を使うだけで評価につながりません。 - while it is true that governments, local communities and people should consider …
設問は学生と学校・大学の話です。政府や地域社会は本文で一度も出てこないため、序論で出すと焦点がぼやけます。「使い方に気をつけるべき」という条件は「批判的に使うなら」の一言にまとめました。
主な問題点
- should artificial intelligence tools
should の後に動詞がありません（should use）。意見を述べる中心の一文なので最優先で直す点です（結論でも同じ誤り）。 - educational foundations / its positive effect for learning
学校・大学は institutions。tools を受けるのは their。effect は on learning が正しい形です。 - I strongly agree that
「Discuss both views and give your own opinion」型の設問なので、agree より I believe が自然です。 - セミコロンの後が約50語の一文になっており、立場が最後まで読まないと分かりません。立場は短い一文で示しましょう。
反対意見
原文（160語）
Nobody can disagree with the fact that some people believe that careless usage of artificial intelligence tools can be harmful for students' thinking skills. One of the main reasons for this might be that there can be bad influence for academic learning programs when students can accept inaccurate information produced by technologies without thinking carefully and doubt. For example, university students can draft some reports for the class of Development Economics with technologies such as ChatGPT. However, some of them may submit the reports without fully understanding the background of the economic issues, and if this happens, the value of learning would disappear in long term. In the same way, AI-native students probably tend to use such convenient tools for their homework because of convenience. Using these tools wrongly, students would lose the chance to improve their ability to think critically or logically. Therefore, it is certainly a fact that never does any reason exist to reject these views entirely.
書き換え（100語）
Those who oppose widespread AI use worry that students will stop questioning information and solving problems independently. For example, a university student might use ChatGPT to write a report on an economic issue and submit it without understanding its causes or consequences. Although the work may look polished, the student misses an opportunity to practise analysing evidence and developing an argument. Convenient tools can also make this habit more common, particularly when students are under pressure to finish assignments quickly. Therefore, schools should teach learners to verify AI-generated answers and explain ideas in their own words before submitting their work.
削った部分と理由
- Nobody can disagree with the fact that some people believe that …
「誰も否定できない」＋「一部の人が考える」の二重の前置きで、論理的にも不自然です。主張そのものから書き始めましょう。 - In the same way, AI-native students probably tend to use such convenient tools … because of convenience.
convenient と convenience が重なり、前の例と同じ内容の繰り返しです。「課題に追われると習慣になりやすい」という一文にまとめました。 - Therefore, it is certainly a fact that never does any reason exist to reject these views entirely.
凝った倒置ですが、意味は「この懸念はもっともだ」だけです。代わりに「学校はAIの答えを確認させるべき」という対策で締め、自分の意見（条件付き賛成）へつなげました。
主な問題点
- there can be bad influence for academic learning programs
主語があいまいで抽象的です。何が誰にどう悪いのかを具体的に書きましょう（influence は on）。 - can accept … without thinking carefully and doubt
可能性は can より may。without thinking と doubt（名詞）は並べられません。 - harmful for / the class of Development Economics / in long term
正しくは harmful to / a Development Economics class / in the long term。 - One of the main reasons for this might be that there can be …
might と can を重ねた控えめな前置きが続き、理由が何なのかがぼやけています。
賛成意見
原文（222語）
On the other hand, many people certainly believe that artificial intelligence tools should be widely used in schools and universities and it must be a more prevailing opinion that the previously mentioned view. First of all, what we should consider as the most compelling reason for this circumstance is that students can get the benefits of using artificial intelligence tools especially in the research activities and presentation preparation. According to the recent survey of a large number of students, which was conducted by a famous national university, that is one of top-tier academia in Japan, it is revealed that more than half of respondents answered that they can find it easy to gather the public information all over the world and translate them into Japanese by using artificial intelligence tools. Moreover, as artificial intelligence tools can create many patterns of slide design and suggest questions or point that would be discussed in coming presentation, students can prepare their presentation more effectively than students in before 2020s did. Interestingly, a well-known business leader who graduated from a top business school in the United States says that the skill of using AI effectively and responsibly is the essential skill for all business person, and his company started evaluating this skill in their hiring process, adding a support that makes the argument above more persuasive.
書き換え（101語）
On the other hand, AI can make learning more efficient and help students access a wider range of information. Students researching global issues, for instance, can use AI to find material from overseas and translate it into Japanese, allowing them to consider perspectives that might otherwise be difficult to understand. AI can also suggest ways to structure presentations and anticipate possible questions, leaving more time for students to refine their arguments. Furthermore, knowing how to use AI responsibly may help graduates in workplaces where such tools are increasingly common. These benefits are substantial when AI supports, rather than replaces, independent learning.
削った部分と理由
- and it must be a more prevailing opinion that the previously mentioned view
「こちらが多数派だ」と述べるだけでは、賛成の理由の展開になりません（Task Responseで評価されるのは理由の説明です）。さらに that は than の誤りです。 - what we should consider as the most compelling reason for this circumstance is that
長い前置きです。主張から直接書き始めました。 - According to the recent survey … conducted by a famous national university … more than half …
調査や数字を使うこと自体は問題ありませんが、この文は関係節が重なって60語を超え、主語と動詞の関係が追いにくくなっています。要点の「海外の情報を集めて日本語に訳せる」という学習効果を短い一文にまとめました。 - Interestingly, a well-known business leader who graduated from … says …
人物を例に使うことは問題ありませんが、長い説明で主語と says が大きく離れ、最後の adding a support that … も不自然です。要点の「職場でAIを使いこなす力が求められる」を一文で残しました。
主な問題点
- 話題が「調べもの・翻訳・発表準備・採用」の4つに広がり、「学生の学びがどう良くなるか」の説明が薄くなっています。理由を絞り、それぞれ学習効果につなげましょう。
- which was conducted by a famous national university, that is one of top-tier academia
カンマの後の補足説明に that は使えません（which）。academia は数えられないので one of the top universities に。 - translate them / the public information all over the world
information は数えられないので it。「世界中の情報」は information from around the world。 - questions or point that would be discussed in coming presentation
points に。coming の前に the が必要です（または upcoming presentations）。 - students in before 2020s / for all business person
in before は並べられません。all business person は all businesspeople。
結論
原文（29語）
In conclusion, based on the discussion above, I believe that many students should artificial intelligence tools in schools and universities for their learning, if they can use it responsibly.
書き換え（49語）
In conclusion, excessive reliance on AI may weaken students' ability to think for themselves, but its responsible use offers clear educational benefits. I therefore support introducing it widely in schools and universities, as long as teachers require students to check information, understand their work and make their own decisions.
削った部分と理由
- based on the discussion above
In conclusion と意味が重なります。
主な問題点
- should artificial intelligence tools
序論と同じく should の後に動詞がありません（should use）。 - if they can use it responsibly
tools を受けるのは it ではなく them。条件は as long as の方が自然です。 - 反対意見に触れずに賛成だけを繰り返しており、「両方を論じた上での意見」になっていません。書き換えでは懸念を一言認めてから立場と条件を述べたため、語数は増えています（29語→49語）。
6次の答案で優先する3つの行動
- 書き始める前に、反対意見の理由を1つ、賛成意見の理由を1つ選ぶ。各理由には、具体例とその意味を2文で補足しましょう。
- 300語前後を目安にする。序論約50語、本文各約100語、結論約50語の構成を試し、表現の重複、冗長さ、アイデアのまとまりを見直しましょう。
- 提出前に、should の後の動詞、比較構文、関係節、前置詞、語の組み合わせをチェックする。例と主張のつながりを一文で説明しましょう。
あなたの答案でも、この形式で診断します。